Sleep+In+Your+Own+Bed

// The “Go Sleep in Your Own Bed!” diaries… (past tense?) //


 * Day One 7:30 pm: ** Discuss with Dear Hubby problems with children, dogs, remotes, food, toys in bed. Agree that something needs to be done. “Agree” that most of the work will be Mom’s. Mom realizes that Dad will simply get more sleep. Mom secretly pushes more toys on Dad’s side when he’s not looking, so he has more to pick up.
 * 8:00 pm: ** Curse as baby decides he’s not ready to sleep, and in fact going to get on the floor and pull the bucket of toys back out and strew them across the floor. Watch Dad wrestle and plead with three-year-old that popsicles don’t follow teeth brushing, while simultaneously insisting that one story is plenty for bed time.
 * 8:35 pm: ** Smugly watch Dad carry now exhausted, over-tired, sobbing TYO to bed. Listen as Dad blatantly exaggerates the benefits of staying in one’s own, super comfy bed complete with Thomas blanket that lights up.
 * 8:43 pm: ** Hide face quickly to laugh as naked child runs out to living room, purportedly to grab one last train to take to bed. Pretend to be busy as Dad sighs, slowly gets up to re-dress TYO and insist that THIS time, he stay in bed all night. Roll eyes at promises of vague treats in the morning if this happens.
 * 9:02 pm: ** Reluctantly pull baby back out of crib, where he lay for approximately .3 milliseconds before waking back up, even though he was most certainly asleep in Mom’s arms for past ten minutes. Squelch urge to let baby cry indefinitely and/or kick Dad on way by, who is now watching “Kill Bill” for the 17th time.
 * 9:05 pm: ** Leave baby in crib, who for some reason decided that this time he would stay asleep, although nothing different went on this time from the time three minutes ago…..
 * 10:00 pm: ** Announce to dog and DH that Mom is going to bed. As quietly as possible, go through night-time routine; accidentally drop glasses; in turn knock over several bottles from counter in response; panic about waking the baby next door. Luckily, he sleeps through this.
 * 10:07 pm: ** Blessed relief as finally the head hits the pillow at the end of another productive, fun day.
 * 10:10 pm: ** Curse loudly as baby wakes, even though no noise was made.
 * 10:11 pm: ** Get into position so baby can sleep in bed, not fall off, nurse at will, and not suffocate or take up DH’s precious space in the middle of the bed.
 * 10:12 pm: ** Shift into fetal position as giant dog decides the bed is a better place to be.
 * 10:14 pm: ** Retreat into unconsciousness as arm also falls asleep and legs cramp in response to uncomfortable position.
 * 11:05 pm: ** Shift baby closer as DH comes to bed; kick dog to floor; realize it’s not dog but TYO who has joined in last half hour.